Posts Tagged ‘teamwork’

Judging Listening Strengths

Saturday, November 25th, 2017

I just have to make good listening my goal.                                                                                                        The PEOPLE Process Type Wheel                                                                                                                                                                

When I asked the question, “What are your strengths as a listener?”  No one mentioned anything related to Judging.  It seems that Js don’t get much help from their Judging when it comes to listening, and that Judging tendencies are just something they have to manage.   

That made me think about my own Judging function.  Is it really a deficit when it comes to being a good listener?  It’s such an asset in so many other ways.  It helps me keep my life organized and take care of others.  It helps me set goals and work steadily toward them, making it possible to do just about anything I want to do, like go on a trip to Europe with my family, finish writing a book or even learn how to use the espresso machine I got for Christmas.  

Wait!  If my J allows me to be good at reaching goals, maybe that’s what can help me be a better listener.  I just have to make good listening my goal.  Or, I can change the goals I used to have into good listening goals.  Instead of the goal to Give my opinion why not have the goal,  See it from their point of view? Instead of the goal to Solve their problem why not have the goal, Let them know you understand their problem?

Js like to make “to-do” lists, so why don’t I make a “to-do” list about listening, of all the techniques that have come up in these issues.  Then, after I’ve followed all the points on the list, I can have the satisfaction of checking off one more conversation where I’ve accomplished my goal of being a good listener.  I can feel proud of one more time where I really opened myself up to another person, and let them know that they are not alone in this life.  Someday I may even meet my ultimate goal, which is to do those things on my list so naturally that I’m not even thinking about them.

So we Js do have a strength when it comes to listening.  If we put  Be a good listener on our “to-do” list, if we make it our goal, well then, we’ll probably pull it off.

                                                               

Perceiving Listening Strengths

Sunday, November 19th, 2017

I really want to learn more about what people have to say.                                                         

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The attitudes we’re looking for in a listener:   open-mindedness, curiosity and tolerance, seem to come easily to many Ps.  You can see it in their faces. They have that – I’m interested look –  in their eyes, and it’s fun to talk to someone who looks like that.      

I can think of many times where I’ve watched people just open up to a P, and suddenly start talking happily about their interests.     

“I like to listen because I’m collecting data,” says John, ENTP.  “Once, a friend told me a long story, and after he finished I said:  “That’s interesting.”  “He said:  “When most people say that, it’s dismissive, but when you say it, you’re actually finding it interesting.”

“My strength as a listener is that I really want to know more about what people have to say,” says Anna, ISFP.  “I know it’s important to them, but I also like to learn from other people.  When I was young, it was a good way for me to be, because I had to go to parties with a whole bunch of my husband’s business associates, who would all be talking about science.  The easiest way for me to mingle would be to ask questions.  I realized that wow, this is exciting.  I could talk to people that I didn’t know, and there were all these other topics in the world that I didn’t really know about.   Also, when I took the time to listen to other people, I got a lot of information that I could really use in my life.”

Because Ps are so good at data collection, they can gently push the speakers to consider new and sometimes surprising information.

“I can pick out what was not said, what was underrepresented,” says Caroline, INFP.  “That’s not easy to do, because a lot of time in discussions, everyone starts following along with evidence in one direction and they totally miss that there might be an entirely different viewpoint.”

Instead of opinions or advice, which send the message that the listener was really listening to themselves, most Ps tend to naturally respond with questions, which sends the message that they are really listening and trying to understand.  Another way of sending the message that we’re listening is to repeat back what the speaker said, in our own words, to make sure we are interpreting it correctly.  One P even told us that this practice of  active listening, came naturally to him, and was his habit before he had ever heard it described.

“When I first heard about active listening, I thought,  “So that’s what you call it,?” says Jerry, INTP.  “I did that naturally.  People always seem to find it easy to talk to me, because I put what they said into my own words.  For example, my wife works in a very stressful job as a nurse in an infant intensive care unit.  If I ask her how her day was, and she says, It was awful, I don’t just grunt.  I really do try to understand as she describes the problems she had with a parent today.  When she’s finished, I might say, I know it frustrates you when you try to tell a parent that what they want isn’t good for their baby.  It turns out not to be a very long conversation, because when people feel understood, the need to tell their story over and over is not so great.”

“I worked as a marriage counselor,  he continues,  and some part of every couple’s problem was the failure to communicate. I taught them to put into their own words what they thought the other was saying.  I told them not to just parrot their words, or you’ll get a response like,  Don’t do that listening stuff on me.  But if it’s in your own words, it sounds natural, and they’ll be able to tell you if you’re right or wrong.”

                            

Thinking Listening Strengths

Sunday, October 29th, 2017

I can look at it clearly, without emotion.         The PEOPLE Process Type Wheel                                                                                                                             

What I like about talking to Thinking types is that I know they can listen to me  describe a painful occurrence without feeling the pain themselves.

I don’t want to cause other people pain, and sometimes, when I’m confiding to the Fs who are close to me, I realize it’s affecting them, and I end up trying to comfort them and telling them it’s not so bad.  With a T, I know I can describe exactly how bad I feel, because they won’t necessarily feel it with me.

“I don’t have empathy; I can’t feel what they’re feeling, but I can step back a bit and hear the logic of what they’re trying to get across,” says John, ENTP, “I can understand their argument.”

Also, when emotions are strong, Ts can remain untouched by them and continue thinking clearly.  I wish I had a Ts ability not to feel the pain or confusion of others, especially when it’s someone close to me, because then I wouldn’t be so anxious to make it go away.

“My husband, an INTJ, is able to remain calm when I’m upset, which is not my usual experience,” says Marthanne, ENFJ. “Usually, when I get upset, everyone around me gets twice as upset, which is quite annoying.  I remember the first Thanksgiving we spent together when we were dating.  I was cooking the turkey, and I had not allowed the right amount of time and I was supposed to take it from my house to his house.  I was all upset, but he didn’t get upset, or show impatience or condemnation for my being upset.  He just listened through the feeling somehow to what the problem and the solution were.”

“I can look at it clearly, without emotion,” says Pam, INTJ.  “If you’re looking for someone to help you solve a problem, I’m a good one to talk to.”

Also, Ts are more able to keep in mind that even though someone is making a very good case that they have been wronged, there is probably another side to the story.

“I don’t let emotions get in the way and I try to stay fair,” says Jamie, ISTJ.  I’ve learned the hard way that there are two sides to everything, so even though their emotions are legitimate, I should not take sides based on hearing one person’s side of it.  I can listen and commiserate and say, Wow, that’s really rough on you,” instead of  “That’s totally unfair!”

Fs might try to be good listeners simply because people like good listeners. But Ts usually need a different rationale.  They may decide to become good listeners because it makes them more effective in their work.  Good listening, for example, is important in the work of parenting.

“When I was raising children, I realized how important it was to be a good listener,” says Dee, ENTP.  “I raised a 6-year old and 12-year-old from my husband’s first marriage, and the first year we lived together, I was amazed at how much they demanded my attention.  They really needed to talk, especially because their mom had been dying for years.  Kids have a way of focusing your attention.  They’ll tell you, “Mom, you’re not listening.”

Good listening is also important in the workplace, and Ts often get their initial insights about the importance of listening from workplace training or experience.

“I worked on a project with two other people where we had to interview managers,” says John, ENTP.  “We would get together after we’d interviewed a manager to discuss what we’d heard, but we’d spend the whole time arguing about what they had really said.  Finally, I started to take notes and write them up afterwards.  We were shocked to see that we do a lot of interpreting and extrapolating.  For example, a guy would say, “We manage on performance,” and we thought he must mean he’s measuring the outcome of the training programs.  Then we’d find out he wasn’t measuring the outcomes.  “Didn’t he say that?” someone would ask, but when we consulted the notes, we realized that he never said he was measuring performance. After that insight, we became much more effective interviewers.  We could ask great follow-up questions because now we were listening to what people actually said.”

“Once we had a series of staff trainings on listening,” says Jamie, ISTJ.  “We’d do an exercise where you listen, and then repeat it back to make sure you understood what they intended.  My first reaction was:  “That’s positively silly; I know what they said.   But when we did the exercise it was like, ‘Oh my goodness, I didn’t really hear what they were saying at all.’ Just knowing that so much miscommunication is possible opened my mind to the thought that listening isn’t just hearing, there’s more to it.”

“The other part of that training was that we should not just listen to words, but also to the feeling behind it.  For example, if they said, ‘You never do your share of the laundry,’ I would think we were talking about laundry, but what the person is really saying is ‘I feel used.’  “We’re not honest partners.”  “I’m just here to do chores for you.” It is about being valued in the relationship, and that’s what really needs to be addressed.”

Resource:  The Type Reporter, No. 98

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Intuitive Listening Strengths

Tuesday, September 5th, 2017

I’m able to synthesize or articulate the thoughts of others.                                                                     

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Intuitive listeners are often good at taking the stories they hear and connecting them with a theory or an idea.  For example, after the Virginia Tech shootings, an acquaintance said that she was dismayed that there was no Christian prayer said at the university’s memorial service.

That bothered me, because I was thinking of all the non-Christian students that would have felt excluded during a prayer, at a time when they needed to join together in their common grief.  I repeated her comment to an ENFP friend, and his reply was:  “Our founding fathers understood the tyranny of the majority over the minority, but people today forget that!  You can’t get better validation than be told that you think like our founding fathers, and I’m usually grateful when Intuitive listeners take my specific experience and connect it to the general experience.”

Another strength of Intuitive listeners is that they’re able to sort through a great deal of information and find the essential idea.

“My strengths as a listener are being able to synthesize or articulate the thoughts of others, particularly in group discussions, when discussion is going all over the place,” says Carolyn, INFP. “I can pull together what I have heard.”

“If a client is really upset, I’ll say, “Start anyplace, and we’ll track it together,” says Catherine, ENTJ.  “After they get all the pieces out, no matter how chaotic their story, I can feel myself consulting my Intuition, asking myself if I have the full picture.”

Intuitive listeners are also good at listening for possibilities, when something the speaker said might mean more than they are giving it credit for.

“My strengths are that I’ll hear something in passing, an extraneous comment, a little nugget that has been thrown out,” says Dee, ENTP, “and I’ll ask them to say some more about it.”  I’ll help them return to that comment and unpack it.”

The best thing about Intuitive listeners, however, is that they can sometimes listen for possibilities in the speaker, and be able to tell them that they are worth more than they give themselves credit for.

“Beyond just the data gathering, I try to help people identify their strengths, to reframe things when they’re feeling very negative about themselves,” says Craig, ENFP.  “I remember when I was a kid, walking home from lunch with this girl in my class.  She was burdened because the other kids were making fun of her.  I said something about her talents, and after that, the poison was gone for her.  When I’m working with clients as well, I try to help people see themselves so that they like what they see.”

 

Mistakes We Make When Teaching Type

Monday, July 24th, 2017

This article is not just for professional trainers of type.

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Sure, there are lots of complaints that professionals are making mistakes,  that they’re making statements about the theory that aren’t true, making statements about the types that put people on the defensive, not telling people enough to answer their questions or excite them about the power of the theory, or telling them so much they get lost in all the lingo and complications of it. But this article is not just for professional trainers of type. It’s for everyone who has more than a passing interest in type, and that includes you and me. Why? Because all learners of type naturally become teachers of type.

You will want to know the types of the people in your life. They are the ones who will make the words come alive for you. I had read that SJs were organized, practical, and persistent. But those were just words to me until an SJ came to our business and improvements that had been talked about for years finally began to happen because he kept gently pushing and pushing them to completion.

I had read that NTs were global and critical, but those were just words to me until I had an NT edit my writing. He suggested many, many changes, but rather than hating it, I was delighted. Listening to him opened up my viewpoint miles wider, amd made my ideas much clearer.

I had read that SPs were physical and playful, but those were just words to me until my SP friend and I had spent many afternoons with our children, wandering along rivers and through woods, and I’d come home filled with light and air and the joy of having a body and living in the natural world.

I had read that NFs see the best in people and want to bring that out, but those were just words to me until one afternoon when I was confiding to an NF friend that I was worried about my son’s recent behavior. Somehow, by her questions and reminding me of things, the afternoon ended with me excited again about the great potential lying in that little boy.

The gifts of SJs, NTs, SPs, and NFs are no longer just words for me, they are sights and sounds and feelings. I have real examples of them in my life.

A second reason to know the types of the people in your life is so you can solve some of the problems you might be having with them. For example, I used to listen to my ISFJ sister complain about her life, and naturally, because I’m Intuitive, I’d suggest all kinds of ways that she could make a new life for herself. But my suggestions involved radical changes in her situation, things she had no stomach for, so she always ended up having to come up with a million reasons why she couldn’t follow my advice. But ever since I’ve known her type, I’ve stopped doing that. Now I listen to her problems, and praise her for her loyalty and ability to endure difficult situations. Then she herself is able to think of small changes she could make to improve things.

I never would have had the opportunity to understand type in its living context, or to have it make such improvements in my relationships if I hadn’t taken the time and trouble to find out what type my family, friends, and colleagues were. I could not persuade all of them to go out and take workshops given by professionals, and with the majority of them, I could not guess their type without their input. If I wanted to know their types, I had to go through all the steps of training them in it myself, and doing it in an informal setting.

But I taught the people in my world about type without any preparation, guidelines, or instruction on how to teach type. I had learned a lot about type, but nothing about how to teach it. And I think I made a lot of mistakes. I wish I had learned some basic guidelines for giving introductions to type, so I could have avoided some of the errors in the trial and error period.

Then recently, I heard a speech by Jean Kummerow, an ESTJ psychologist, management consultant, MBTI trainer, and co-author of the book Lifetypes (1989 Warner). In that speech I felt I had found the basics. It seems to me that if you follow Kummerow’s guidelines, you’ll give people the maximum opportunity to find themselves in their type at their first introduction to it, get excited about the information, and put it to good use in their lives.

A Checklist For Introducing Type

Let people do a Self-assessment before getting their results from the MBTI.

Describe the preferences in an accurate, positive and unbiased way, and remember to use qualifiers like most and many.

Give examples from the literature, your own life, and the world of the trainee.

Don’t read too much into MBTI scores.

Make your goal simple: to teach the person the meaning of the eight preferences, and help them choose their type.

Provide follow-up reinforcement somehow, and give adequate handouts.

(The TYPE Reporter, Excerpt from Issue No. 38, written by Susan Scanlon.)

(Myers-Briggs Type Indicator is a trademark or registered trademark of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator Trust in the United States and other countries.)

“I Can’t Decide What Type I am!” – Part 1

Saturday, June 17th, 2017

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According to the manual on the MBTI, around 25% of the people who take the MBTI 

score close to the middle on one or more of the dimensions.    

Although some of those people are able to identify their preferences in spite of their slight scores, other people aren’t able to identify their preferences in spite of their clear scores. So let’s say it evens out, and for around 25% of the people who take the MBTI, their type is still an open question even after they’ve received their report forms.

If you believe that making a person familiar with their natural gifts and course of  development is a worthwhile pursuit, then it probably bothers you when that’s not easy, and sometimes nearly impossible, to do.  You’d probably like to know more about why people sometimes can’t decide what type they are, and what can be done about it.

To get closer to some answers on these questions, we’re going to use as an example a man named Bob. He’s a real person who has not been able to decide on his type in 13 years! Bob first took the MBTI in 1977 and came out ISFP, but he didn’t feel that the profile fit him entirely. Since then he’s taken it 12 times, each time coming out a different type, each time feeling the profile didn’t entirely fit him.

You may be wondering why he doesn’t just drop the search for his type if the theory doesn’t seem to be working for him. “I’ve tried,” he says, “but it’s like one of those birthday candles that won’t go out when you blow it. I put it aside but I keep coming back to it.”

Bob is looking to the MBTI to give him guidance in making a mid-life career change. He’s been a successful lawyer, but he hasn’t been happy as a lawyer. “I had to work so hard just to keep up that it wasn’t fun. I saw other lawyers around me going great guns and still enjoying themselves. I want to find a career where I can do the same. I feel that if I knew my true type, I could start laying out a plan consistent with that type.”

We talked to some of the MBTI experts who have had experience with people who have a hard time deciding on their type. We’re going to tell you what they recommend, and how it worked for Bob. In this issue we’ll look at what the experts recommend you do in a workshop setting to help people decide on their type, and how Bob reacted to these experiences. He is a good example of how frustrating, fascinating, and eventually satisfying it can be to help people find their true type.

Tell them it’s normal and give them some time.
For most of the people who are uncertain on one or more of the dimensions of the MBTI, time usually takes care of the problem. After they’ve had some time to absorb the definitions of the functions and observe their own behavior, their type usually becomes clear to them.

If you’re giving a workshop on type, it’s probably a good idea to tell people up front that they may not be able to decide their type in the course of your workshop. Tell them that initial uncertainty about your type is normal. You don’t want to cause them any stress because they don’t fit into the theory right away. Be as general, positive, neutral, and non-suggestive as you can be about this issue.

And you might mention that some people may never be certain about what type they are. Some people are just more distinctly a type than others. You can see this even in small children. Some have a clear sense of who they are when they’re very young, some don’t have a clear sense of who they are until 30 or 40, and some are never sure. The important thing is, for most of these untypical people, it’s not a problem. It’s no big deal.

Time and observing his own behavior did not help Bob decide on a type. In fact, the more time went by, the more uncertain he became. But Bob continued to pursue his type because of his own feeling that he had to know, not because poor training had made him feel that something was wrong with him.

Give them a variety of experiences in a workshop.
We talked to Janet Thuesen and Otto Kroeger, a team that has trained at least 10,000 people in type theory in the last 10 years and recently co-authored the book Type Talk (Delacorte, 1988). They said that a good way to help people decide what type they are is to offer them a variety of experiences in a workshop, especially the experience of being put into groups with others who are supposed to be the same type as they are, and seeing if they experience agreement and similarity.

In one of the first workshops on the MBTI that I attended, the trainers asked all the Introverts to get into a group and all the Extraverts to get into a group. In the group of Introverts we were asked to answer the questions:

What do you like about being an Introvert? What don’t you like about being an Introvert? What do you like about Extraverts? What don’t you like about Extraverts?

Then we reported back to the group on what we had talked about and heard the Extraverts answer the same questions. We did the same thing on all four of the dimensions. I remember how powerful an experience that was for me. I still remember a woman saying “When I hear Extraverts talking about what they’re going to do today, it makes me tired. I couldn’t possibly do all that in one day!” We all laughed and nodded our heads in agreement. That kind of clicking with other people strengthened my certainty that type worked, and that I was an Introvert.

I’ve also been present in several type-alike groups since then where it became clear that one of us did not belong in that group. It’s an excellent method for helping people get clarity on their type. But it didn’t work for Bob. He attended one workshop where people were asked to go into groups with their like types and answer questions such as “How are you in a team?” and “How are you as a leader?” It didn’t settle anything for him. “I went around and listened to different groups, and read the things they put up on the wall, but none of the groups rang out loud and clear to me,” he said.

Ask them to read several profiles and mark the parts they agree with.
Another thing Otto Kroeger recommends for people who can’t decide what type they are is that they do some homework. Their assignment is to read profiles on all the types that they might be, and mark the lines they agree strongly with, then add them up at the end. I did this with my husband when he was uncertain if he was an INTP or an ENTP. He had a terrible time deciding if he was an Extravert or an Introvert in the abstract, but he agreed with every line of the ENTP profile and not a single line of the INTP profile.

But Bob has been doing this kind of thing for 17 years. He has every book of profiles that has been published, and they’re all underlined and checked and X’d. However, none of the profiles really fits him completely, and over time.

Most of the profiles have some things that sound true for Bob, and some things that don’t. And on some days he feels like one type but the next day it might change. And sometimes it doesn’t even take a day. Before breakfast, he may be reading the profiles of the INFP and identifying with them, but later in the day, the ESFP and ISFP may sound better to him. For several days he may write in his journal about how he’s an SJ, but today write that he must be an SP because he feels so impulsive, playful, and physical.

Ask them to discuss it with people who know them.
The third thing Otto Kroeger suggests is that you ask people who know you well what they think. When I asked Bob to tell me the name of someone who knows him fairly well, and also knows type, he mentioned Katherine Myers, an INFP who has been familiar with type for most of her life.

Kathy Myers told me: “His endless searching for self, and his insistence that he know what is at the core of him before he can make any decisions, reminds me of an INFP. It’s a weakness of the INFP, in fact. Like other NFs, INFPs need to operate out of their core, to be true to themselves. But without the E or the J to pull them out into the world, INFPs can really get stuck trying to figure themselves out.”

“In more specific ways he also reminds me of an INFP. He’s very much in tune with other people, and responds to them so that they feel good about themselves. He speaks quietly, about things he’s enthusiastic about. He entertains beautifully, but he’s not a hail-fellow-well-met. He does it quietly and graciously. I’ve been trying to get him off this obsession with knowing what type he is. He feels he can’t move or decide on a career until he does. I tell him that he’s fortunate to be able to use each of the functions when it’s appropriate.”

I told Kathy Myers that I had two doubts about Bob being an INFP. One was that when he was young, he became a leader at just about every opportunity. He rattled off a dizzying list of leadership positions. He was president of his junior class in high school, and then of the whole student body in his senior year. A high school teacher told his parents he had never seen a better leader come through the system. In college, he was captain of his football team, president of his college fraternity, president of the leadership fraternity, and voted the best leader in his senior class. And all through his legal career, people were trying to persuade him to go into politics.

Why, I asked Kathy, would an Introvert place himself so often in front of, and in the middle of, groups? I could see an Introvert being the leader of a group if they all shared a passionate interest, but Bob seemed to be the leader of a variety of groups, with no particular shared interests.  “Introverts can often be leaders,” Kathy said. “I’m an Introvert and among other things I was the editor of the school paper, and voted most likely to succeed.”

And then I told her that in many hours of listening to Bob talk, I had never heard him make a large generalization, which Intuitives seem to need to do as much as they need to breathe. And when asked a question about his preferences, he referred to something he had done recently, instead of looking at his behavior over a lifetime and observing patterns. I’m usually hungry for specifics when I’m listening to Intuitives. When I’m listening to Bob, I’m hungry for a generalization.

Kathy said he seemed to be comfortable talking about the type theory, which was fairly abstract. She also said that she doubted an S would spend this much time trying to find out who they were. And I had to agree. If Bob was unlike any Intuitive I’d ever listened to, he was also unlike any Sensing type I’d ever listened to.

It’s hard for some people to put a type on themselves because on one or more of the dimensions, they really do have attributes from both sides. When you ask them to choose a type, you’re asking them to deny something about themselves that is important, but not typical.

To be continued…..

The TYPE Reporter, Excerpt from Vol. 5, No. 2, written by Susan Scanlon www.thetypereporter.com

Myers-Briggs Type Indicator is a trademark or registered trademark of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator Trust in the United States and other countries.

 

A Great Destroyer Of Teamwork – The Fundamental Attribution Error

Saturday, June 3rd, 2017

We human beings have a tendency to falsely attribute the negative behaviors of others to their

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character,  while attributing our own negative behaviors to environmental factors.

In other words, if I see a woman being impatient with her children at the grocery store and giving

them a swat,    I think, “that is a mean woman.” While, when my own kids are driving me crazy and arguing with me  and I give them a swat, I think, “I’ve got some really unruly children.” 

We tend to like to believe that we do bad things because of the situations we are in, but somehow we assume that others do bad things because they are predisposed to being bad.

In the same way, we often attribute other people’s success to their environment and our own success to our character. That’s because we like to believe that we are inherently good and talented, while others are merely lucky, beneficiaries of good fortune.

This fundamental attribution error often creates misunderstanding and distrust among team members.  By getting to know one another better and understanding our personality tendencies, team members can often avoid this problem.

Personality-type training can eliminate the “Fundamental Attribution Error.”

 

Emotional Intelligence (EQ) & Personality Type

Saturday, May 27th, 2017

The Characteristics of Emotional Intelligence                                                                                              

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. Self awareness

. Emotional management – being aware of your emotions and

how you play those out

. Motivation – being able to defer gratification

. Interpersonal sensitivity –  empathy with other people

. Ability to influence others

. Intuitiveness – the ability to make a decision when you don’t

have all the data by drawing on deep experience

. Consciousness – that is linked to integrity

“Emotional intelligence (EQ) is really a combination of a few things,” says Professor Malcolm J. Higgs.  “What makes you do what you do what you do?  What are the consequences?  What happens to your behaviors? If you are angry you can’t change being angry but you can understand that you become irrational or deal badly with others when you are angry. It’s understanding all that, and based on that understanding, having the ability to be able to do something about it,” he explains.“Part of it is, for want of a better word, self-awareness: Let me be self-aware, let me know how my emotions impact on my behaviors. Secondly, let me try and manage that and use that knowledge to become more effective and the third piece is to understand how other people react to situations and why they may be behaving the way they do and then try to adapt my behavior to try and take that into account,” he says.

Successful leaders tend to be equipped with strong social skills and, in fact, a wide body of research shows that leaders have high levels of EQ, but not all entrepreneurs do. People won’t develop EQ unless they want to or are motivated to do so. It’s not a matter of having or not having EQ – you just need to want to improve. EQ training is about understanding people, and getting them on your side through influence and persuasion.

Emotional intelligence is a term used to describe a complex ability to regulate your impulses, empathize with others, and persist and be resilient in the face of obstacles. Developing your emotional intelligence will help you enhance your leadership abilities, enrich your relationships, extend your influence, and expand the personal resources you can call on to manage life’s mental demands.

An in-depth study and thorough understanding of psychological type can aid in the development of your emotional intelligence. Psychological type, as developed by Dr. Carl Jung, explores people’s preferences for four mental processes – Sensing, Intuition, Thinking, and Feeling – and their tendency to focus more on the outer (Extraverted) or inner (Introverted) world. These mental processes and orientations work in a dynamic way to influence what people see and evaluate in life, and this dynamic affects all their choices and actions.

When you learn to appropriately access the eight mental processes that make up the model of psychological type, you achieve a level of understanding that offers a practical way to expand your emotional intelligence by enabling you to become more conscious of choices you can make to be effective. The mental processes of Sensing, Intuition, Thinking, and Feeling differ markedly when Extraverted and Introverted. These differences result in the eight mental functions we use to take in information and decide how to respond to that information. Our preferences among these eight mental functions are what produce our type. The four letter code gives us direction about our preferences.

These eight areas of awareness represent the eight mental functions of psychological type. Getting in touch with your use of these eight aspects of your mental operations is a major step toward greater self-awareness and interpersonal awareness, which enriches your emotional intelligence. We each use all these processes in Extraverted and Introverted forms, but we tend to rely most heavily on our dominant and auxiliary, or our most preferred, functions.

Using some of the functions comes more naturally to you, but part of developing your type involves being able to access each of these functions in the appropriate situation. Doing so enables you to increase the range of behaviors available, representing a significant step toward greater personal efficacy and emotional intelligence.

These eight functions make up the engine of your personality. They provide the source of analysis, reaction, adjustment, and stability in your character on which you can depend. The most complete depiction of these eight functions is in the dynamic relationship that exists each moment in the exchange of energy between you and those around you.

Personality, emotional intelligence, and performance are interdependent factors in your daily experience. When you have an expanded emotional intelligence and a balanced personality, you have a healthier lifestyle, stronger relationships, and overall greater satisfaction and performance in your chosen work. Studies conclude that strong emotional intelligence among leaders aids employee retention, productivity, and performance. Those leaders who consistently exhibit sensitivity to the range of needs and individual differences in their organizations get the best performance results.

                                                                

The Gift Of Listening

Saturday, April 15th, 2017

Once, I made two lists.  On the first list, I put the names of the people in my life that I had largely positive feelings about.  On the second, I put the names of the people that I had reservations about, the relationships that I might label problematic.  We called each other friends, but after I’d been with them, I didn’t feel enriched.

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When I looked at the difference between the two lists, one thing stood out.  The people on the first list were good

listeners, and the people on the second were not. The people on the first list always made me feel like a connection had been made between us, but the people on the second made me feel like a connection had been faked.  The people on the first list made me feel like I was accompanied on this journey of life, the people on the second made me feel like I was alone.

That’s when I realized how important it is to be a good listener to other people.  It’s not just a nice thing to do, or good manners.  Good listening has an existential importance.  It’s the only thing that helps us relieve the loneliness of the human condition.

For something that is so important, it’s amazing how little it’s talked about. It’s rarely taught in our families, schools, workplaces or churches.  There isn’t even a cultural cliche about good listening, like:   A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

Most people who have become good listeners learned it in some kind of self-help or psychological setting, and they were usually surprised to learn its importance.  It hasn’t spread to the overall culture.

It’s not even a skill of certain personality types.  Some people may appear to be good listeners because their type makes them less talkative or less opinionated or more sensitive to others, but they will admit that if you listen in on their thoughts, they are often not fully tuned into the other person.  To be genuinely paying attention to another person is a learned skill, and one that takes constant practice.  It’s not something we’re born with.

This is the first in a series.  In the following blog updates, we asked people of all the types,  Who are the best and worst listeners in your life, and why? From that we gleaned some good, practical dos and don’ts on listening.  In the next blog update, we’re going to look at how our type influences our listening.

You’ll probably find a lot of the people you know in these pages, including the person you thought you knew the best, yourself. However, if you decide to begin asking yourself the question:  Am I really listening?  you’ll find that you didn’t really know yourself, or anyone else, before that.

(By Susan Scanlon, The TYPE Reporter, Issue Number 97)

 

How Do You Take Action? – Judging or Perceiving?

Sunday, April 2nd, 2017

 

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The fourth and final dimension of behavior in psychological type theory is how we prefer to take action.  Judging types      represent approximately 60% and Perceiving types about 40% of the U.S. population.

Judging and Perceiving represent the two very different ways that people like to organize their world and live their lives.  In this context, the term Judging does not mean a person that is judgmental and the term Perceiving does not mean a person that is perceptive.  These are the terms assigned to this dimension of behavior.

Perceiving refers to one’s innate drive to keep things open, to keep gathering information and Judging refers to a desire to come to conclusion and make a decision. People with a Judging preference feel tension until an issue is decided and people with a Perceiving preference feel tension if pushed to make a decision too quickly.  The more important the decision is, the stronger     the need to resolve the issue quickly for a person with Judging preference.

Judging and Perceiving have a lot to do with the way we like to run our everyday lives and the greatest potential for conflict exists between couples with this dimension. This is the only dimension that is different between me and my husband. Roy, INTP, and Me, INTJ.  We experienced a lot of confusion, tension and conflict around this fourth dimension of taking action. We had been married just a few years when we were re-introduced to psychological type and were immediately riveted by the explanation in type theory of why we were experiencing this tension. We could be discussing something and I’d head for the phone to take action. This completely unnerved him because of his need to investigate further, look for more information and check things out.

Another part of the differences in this dimension is Judging people want their living area organized and feel distracted living amid clutter, while Perceiving people tend to have a more casual attitude and often leave projects unfinished. My INTP partner liked to file papers in stacks on the office floor and I preferred to file paperwork feeling everything should be put in its place. Once we found out about our preference for Judging and Perceiving in this Action dimension, we understood what was causing the tension and were able to “stretch ourselves” so that we could include each other’s “comfort zone” in our expectations.

Judgers are planners and like to be prepared. They expect a set plan to be followed and often have difficulty shifting gears when the plan unexpectedly changes. By contrast, Perceivers are hesitant to commit themselves for fear that if they do, they may miss some great opportunity that will come along later. Perceivers act spontaneously and are flexible in adjusting to changes.

In the area of handling responsibilities, Judging people like to complete projects ahead of a deadline and it’s very hard for Judgers to relax and enjoy themselves when they haven’t finished something. Perceivers are just the opposite, preferring to relax and take advantage of some unexpected opportunity because there’s always more time.

Because Judgers have such a need for closure, they tend to make a lot of declarative statements and state their strong opinions freely. Perceivers ask a lot of questions and are more inquisitive. This can be a source of irritation between couples and business associates. Perceivers often feel that Judgers shut down discussions too quickly, and oversimplify. Judgers sometimes find the endless questions from Perceivers to be redundant and annoying.

Judgers are more comfortable with the notion of rules and place high importance on following them, while Perceivers view rules as unwanted restrictions on their freedom and their ability to be spontaneous. Judgers are more comfortable with authority while Perceivers are more naturally inclined to rebel against or question authority.

When you factor in knowledge of personality type into how you take action, it becomes clear that all of us need each other for the wealth of valuable contributions we offer in our business endeavors, family relationships and friendships. In fact, our differences just make us that much more valuable for the point of view and experience we are able to provide one another.

There are four behavior dimensions in personality type: how our Energy is focused, how we gather Information, how we make Decisions, and how we take ActionAction is the fourth dimension and all four are equally important. Having knowledge and understanding of our preferences in each of the four dimensions and of our associates and loved ones can profoundly affect the quality of our life and relationships.