Posts Tagged ‘listening skills’

Judging Listening Strengths

Saturday, November 25th, 2017

I just have to make good listening my goal.                                                                                                        The PEOPLE Process Type Wheel                                                                                                                                                                

When I asked the question, “What are your strengths as a listener?”  No one mentioned anything related to Judging.  It seems that Js don’t get much help from their Judging when it comes to listening, and that Judging tendencies are just something they have to manage.   

That made me think about my own Judging function.  Is it really a deficit when it comes to being a good listener?  It’s such an asset in so many other ways.  It helps me keep my life organized and take care of others.  It helps me set goals and work steadily toward them, making it possible to do just about anything I want to do, like go on a trip to Europe with my family, finish writing a book or even learn how to use the espresso machine I got for Christmas.  

Wait!  If my J allows me to be good at reaching goals, maybe that’s what can help me be a better listener.  I just have to make good listening my goal.  Or, I can change the goals I used to have into good listening goals.  Instead of the goal to Give my opinion why not have the goal,  See it from their point of view? Instead of the goal to Solve their problem why not have the goal, Let them know you understand their problem?

Js like to make “to-do” lists, so why don’t I make a “to-do” list about listening, of all the techniques that have come up in these issues.  Then, after I’ve followed all the points on the list, I can have the satisfaction of checking off one more conversation where I’ve accomplished my goal of being a good listener.  I can feel proud of one more time where I really opened myself up to another person, and let them know that they are not alone in this life.  Someday I may even meet my ultimate goal, which is to do those things on my list so naturally that I’m not even thinking about them.

So we Js do have a strength when it comes to listening.  If we put  Be a good listener on our “to-do” list, if we make it our goal, well then, we’ll probably pull it off.

                                                               

Perceiving Listening Strengths

Sunday, November 19th, 2017

I really want to learn more about what people have to say.                                                         

The PEOPLE Process Type Wheel

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               

The attitudes we’re looking for in a listener:   open-mindedness, curiosity and tolerance, seem to come easily to many Ps.  You can see it in their faces. They have that – I’m interested look –  in their eyes, and it’s fun to talk to someone who looks like that.      

I can think of many times where I’ve watched people just open up to a P, and suddenly start talking happily about their interests.     

“I like to listen because I’m collecting data,” says John, ENTP.  “Once, a friend told me a long story, and after he finished I said:  “That’s interesting.”  “He said:  “When most people say that, it’s dismissive, but when you say it, you’re actually finding it interesting.”

“My strength as a listener is that I really want to know more about what people have to say,” says Anna, ISFP.  “I know it’s important to them, but I also like to learn from other people.  When I was young, it was a good way for me to be, because I had to go to parties with a whole bunch of my husband’s business associates, who would all be talking about science.  The easiest way for me to mingle would be to ask questions.  I realized that wow, this is exciting.  I could talk to people that I didn’t know, and there were all these other topics in the world that I didn’t really know about.   Also, when I took the time to listen to other people, I got a lot of information that I could really use in my life.”

Because Ps are so good at data collection, they can gently push the speakers to consider new and sometimes surprising information.

“I can pick out what was not said, what was underrepresented,” says Caroline, INFP.  “That’s not easy to do, because a lot of time in discussions, everyone starts following along with evidence in one direction and they totally miss that there might be an entirely different viewpoint.”

Instead of opinions or advice, which send the message that the listener was really listening to themselves, most Ps tend to naturally respond with questions, which sends the message that they are really listening and trying to understand.  Another way of sending the message that we’re listening is to repeat back what the speaker said, in our own words, to make sure we are interpreting it correctly.  One P even told us that this practice of  active listening, came naturally to him, and was his habit before he had ever heard it described.

“When I first heard about active listening, I thought,  “So that’s what you call it,?” says Jerry, INTP.  “I did that naturally.  People always seem to find it easy to talk to me, because I put what they said into my own words.  For example, my wife works in a very stressful job as a nurse in an infant intensive care unit.  If I ask her how her day was, and she says, It was awful, I don’t just grunt.  I really do try to understand as she describes the problems she had with a parent today.  When she’s finished, I might say, I know it frustrates you when you try to tell a parent that what they want isn’t good for their baby.  It turns out not to be a very long conversation, because when people feel understood, the need to tell their story over and over is not so great.”

“I worked as a marriage counselor,  he continues,  and some part of every couple’s problem was the failure to communicate. I taught them to put into their own words what they thought the other was saying.  I told them not to just parrot their words, or you’ll get a response like,  Don’t do that listening stuff on me.  But if it’s in your own words, it sounds natural, and they’ll be able to tell you if you’re right or wrong.”

                            

Judging Listening Strengths

Friday, September 9th, 2016

I just have to make good listening my goal.                                                                             

The PEOPLE Process Type Wheel

The PEOPLE Process Type Wheel

     

When I asked the question, “What are your strengths as a listener?”  No one mentioned anything related to Judging.  It seems that Js don’t get much help from their Judging when it comes to listening, and that Judging tendencies are just something they have to manage.

That made me think about my own Judging function.  Is it really a deficit when it comes to being a good listener?  It’s such an asset in so many other ways.  It helps me keep my life organized and take care of others.  It helps me set goals and work steadily toward them, making it possible to do just about anything I want to do, like go on a trip to Europe with my family, finish writing a book or even learn how to use the espresso machine I got for Christmas.

Wait!  If my J allows me to be good at reaching goals, maybe that’s what can help me be a better listener.  I just have to make good listening my goal.  Or, I can change the goals I used to have into good listening goals.  Instead of the goal to Give my opinion why not have the goal,  See it from their point of view? Instead of the goal to Solve their problem why not have the goal, Let them know you understand their problem?

Js like to make “to-do” lists, so why don’t I make a “to-do” list about listening, of all the techniques that have come up in these issues.  Then, after I’ve followed all the points on the list, I can have the satisfaction of checking off one more conversation where I’ve accomplished my goal of being a good listener.  I can feel proud of one more time where I really opened myself up to another person, and let them know that they are not alone in this life.  Someday I may even meet my ultimate goal, which is to do those things on my list so naturally that I’m not even thinking about them.

So we Js do have a strength when it comes to listening.  If we put  Be a good listener on our “to-do” list, if we make it our goal, well then, we’ll probably pull it off.

Perceiving Listening Strengths

Friday, September 2nd, 2016
The PEOPLE Process Type Wheel

The PEOPLE Process Type Wheel

I really want to know more about what people have to say.                                                   

The attitudes we’re looking for in a listener:   open-mindedness, curiosity and tolerance, seem to come easily to many Ps.  You can see it in their faces. They have that – I’m interested look –  in their eyes, and it’s fun to talk to someone who looks like that.

I can think of many times where I’ve watched people just open up to a P, and suddenly start talking happily about their interests.

“I like to listen because I’m collecting data,” says John, ENTP.  “Once, a friend told me a long story, and after he finished I said:  “That’s interesting.”  “He said:  “When most people say that, it’s dismissive, but when you say it, you’re actually finding it interesting.”

“My strength as a listener is that I really want to know more about what people have to say,” says Anna, ISFP.  “I know it’s important to them, but I also like to learn from other people.  When I was young, it was a good way for me to be, because I had to go to parties with a whole bunch of my husband’s business associates, who would all be talking about science.  The easiest way for me to mingle would be to ask questions.  I realized that wow, this is exciting.  I could talk to people that I didn’t know, and there were all these other topics in the world that I didn’t really know about.   Also, when I took the time to listen to other people, I got a lot of information that I could really use in my life.”

Because Ps are so good at data collection, they can gently push the speakers to consider new and sometimes surprising information.

“I can pick out what was not said, what was underrepresented,” says Caroline, INFP.  “That’s not easy to do, because a lot of time in discussions, everyone starts following along with evidence in one direction and they totally miss that there might be an entirely different viewpoint.”

Instead of opinions or advice, which send the message that the listener was really listening to themselves, most Ps tend to naturally respond with questions, which sends the message that they are really listening and trying to understand.  Another way of sending the message that we’re listening is to repeat back what the speaker said, in our own words, to make sure we are interpreting it correctly.  One P even told us that this practice of  active listening, came naturally to him, and was his habit before he had ever heard it described.

“When I first heard about active listening, I thought,  “So that’s what you call it,?” says Jerry, INTP.  “I did that naturally.  People always seem to find it easy to talk to me, because I put what they said into my own words.  For example, my wife works in a very stressful job as a nurse in an infant intensive care unit.  If I ask her how her day was, and she says, It was awful, I don’t just grunt.  I really do try to understand as she describes the problems she had with a parent today.  When she’s finished, I might say, I know it frustrates you when you try to tell a parent that what they want isn’t good for their baby.  It turns out not to be a very long conversation, because when people feel understood, the need to tell their story over and over is not so great.”

“I worked as a marriage counselor,  he continues,  and some part of every couple’s problem was the failure to communicate. I taught them to put into their own words what they thought the other was saying.  I told them not to just parrot their words, or you’ll get a response like,  Don’t do that listening stuff on me.  But if it’s in your own words, it sounds natural, and they’ll be able to tell you if you’re right or wrong.”

How Does Type Influence Our Listening?

Friday, July 22nd, 2016

In the last blog update, 16 people were asked the question,  “Who is the best listener in your life?” and 14 of them mentioned an Introvert!  Do Introverts really have a natural advantage over Extraverts when it comes to listening?

The PEOPLE Process Training Manual & Participant Package

The PEOPLE Process Training Manual & Participant Package

According to the type theory, Introverts have two good reasons to listen more than talk.  First of all, they have a lower need to talk because they process their thoughts internally.  They may want to share their completed thoughts with others, but that usually requires less time than thinking through something out loud. 

Second, when Introverts talk, they’re using their Auxiliary function, which is not what they’re best at, so they don’t get the positive response that Extraverts do.  After awhile, they become less confident and more critical of themselves when they speak.  The role of listener becomes a better way for them to garner self-esteem.

Extraverts, on the other hand, have two good reasons to talk more than listen.  First, they need to process their thoughts out loud.  They often do their best thinking when they are talking, so they need to have several good listeners in their lives to allow them to reach clarity and understanding.

Second, Extraverts derive greater self-esteem from talking than Introverts. Because they are Extraverts, they are showing their dominant function to the world, which is what they’re best at, whether it’s practical knowledge, possibilities, logic or caring.  When they finish speaking, they usually get a better response from others, and more of a sense of accomplishment in their speech.  It’s hard to give that up and switch over into listening.

However, just because Introverts tend to do more listening, they don’t necessarily listen well.  Although they may be silent when someone else is speaking, they may actually have a strong internal dialogue going, and may be listening more to themselves than the speaker.

Let’s face it!  It’s an effort for all of us to be good listeners.  Extraverts have to manage their external voice, and Introverts have to manage their internal voice.

In trying to become a good human being though, nothing makes a bigger difference than developing the ability to listen well.  No matter what else we do for other people, if we listen attentively and sympathetically to what they are saying, and let them know that they have been heard and understood, that will mean the most to them.

Judging Listening Strengths

Friday, October 16th, 2015
The PEOPLE Process Type Wheel

The PEOPLE Process Type Wheel

I just have to make good listening my goal.                   

When I asked the question, “What are your strengths as a listener?”  No one mentioned anything related to Judging.  It seems that Js don’t get much help from their Judging when it comes to listening, and that Judging tendencies are just something they have to manage.

That made me think about my own Judging function.  Is it really a deficit when it comes to being a good listener?  It’s such an asset in so many other ways.  It helps me keep my life organized and take care of others.  It helps me set goals and work steadily toward them, making it possible to do just about anything I want to do, like go on a trip to Europe with my family, finish writing a book or even learn how to use the espresso machine I got for Christmas.

Wait!  If my J allows me to be good at reaching goals, maybe that’s what can help me be a better listener.  I just have to make good listening my goal.  Or, I can change the goals I used to have into good listening goals.  Instead of the goal to Give my opinion why not have the goal,  See it from their point of view? Instead of the goal to Solve their problem why not have the goal, Let them know you understand their problem?

Js like to make “to-do” lists, so why don’t I make a “to-do” list about listening, of all the techniques that have come up in these issues.  Then, after I’ve followed all the points on the list, I can have the satisfaction of checking off one more conversation where I’ve accomplished my goal of being a good listener.  I can feel proud of one more time where I really opened myself up to another person, and let them know that they are not alone in this life.  Someday I may even meet my ultimate goal, which is to do those things on my list so naturally that I’m not even thinking about them.

So we Js do have a strength when it comes to listening.  If we put  Be a good listener on our “to-do” list, if we make it our goal, well then, we’ll probably pull it off.

Perceiving Listening Strengths

Friday, October 9th, 2015

I really want to know more about what people have to say.

The PEOPLE Process Type Wheel

The PEOPLE Process Type Wheel

The attitudes we’re looking for in a listener:  open-mindedness, curiosity and tolerance, seem to come easily to many Ps.  You can see it in their faces. They have that – I’m interested look –  in their eyes, and it’s fun to talk to someone who looks like that.

I can think of many times where I’ve watched people just open up to a P, and suddenly start talking happily about their interests.

“I like to listen because I’m collecting data,” says John, ENTP.  “Once, a friend told me a long story, and after he finished I said:  “That’s interesting.”  “He said:  “When most people say that, it’s dismissive, but when you say it, you’re actually finding it interesting.”

“My strength as a listener is that I really want to know more about what people have to say,” says Anna, ISFP.  “I know it’s important to them, but I also like to learn from other people.  When I was young, it was a good way for me to be, because I had to go to parties with a whole bunch of my husband’s business associates, who would all be talking about science.  The easiest way for me to mingle would be to ask questions.  I realized that wow, this is exciting.  I could talk to people that I didn’t know, and there were all these other topics in the world that I didn’t really know about.   Also, when I took the time to listen to other people, I got a lot of information that I could really use in my life.”

Because Ps are so good at data collection, they can gently push the speakers to consider new and sometimes surprising information.

“I can pick out what was not said, what was underrepresented,” says Caroline, INFP.  “That’s not easy to do, because a lot of time in discussions, everyone starts following along with evidence in one direction and they totally miss that there might be an entirely different viewpoint.”

Instead of opinions or advice, which send the message that the listener was really listening to themselves, most Ps tend to naturally respond with questions, which sends the message that they are really listening and trying to understand.  Another way of sending the message that we’re listening is to repeat back what the speaker said, in our own words, to make sure we are interpreting it correctly.  One P even told us that this practice of  active listening, came naturally to him, and was his habit before he had ever heard it described.

“When I first heard about active listening, I thought,  “So that’s what you call it,?” says Jerry, INTP.  “I did that naturally.  People always seem to find it easy to talk to me, because I put what they said into my own words.  For example, my wife works in a very stressful job as a nurse in an infant intensive care unit.  If I ask her how her day was, and she says, It was awful, I don’t just grunt.  I really do try to understand as she describes the problems she had with a parent today.  When she’s finished, I might say, I know it frustrates you when you try to tell a parent that what they want isn’t good for their baby.  It turns out not to be a very long conversation, because when people feel understood, the need to tell their story over and over is not so great.”

“I worked as a marriage counselor,  he continues,  and some part of every couple’s problem was the failure to communicate. I taught them to put into their own words what they thought the other was saying.  I told them not to just parrot their words, or you’ll get a response like,  Don’t do that listening stuff on me.  But if it’s in your own words, it sounds natural, and they’ll be able to tell you if you’re right or wrong.”

How Does Type Influence Our Listening?

Friday, September 4th, 2015
The PEOPLE Process Training Manual & Participant Package

The PEOPLE Process Training Manual & Participant Package

In the last blog update, 16 people were asked the question,  “Who is the best listener in your life?” and 14 of them mentioned an Introvert!  Do Introverts really have a natural advantage over Extraverts when it comes to listening?

According to the type theory, Introverts have two good reasons to listen more than talk.  First of all, they have a lower need to talk because they process their thoughts internally.  They may want to share their completed thoughts with others, but that usually requires less time than thinking through something out loud.

Second, when Introverts talk, they’re using their Auxiliary function, which is not what they’re best at, so they don’t get the positive response that Extraverts do.  After awhile, they become less confident and more critical of themselves when they speak.  The role of listener becomes a better way for them to garner self-esteem.

Extraverts, on the other hand, have two good reasons to talk more than listen.  First, they need to process their thoughts out loud.  They often do their best thinking when they are talking, so they need to have several good listeners in their lives to allow them to reach clarity and understanding.

Second, Extraverts derive greater self-esteem from talking than Introverts. Because they are Extraverts, they are showing their dominant function to the world, which is what they’re best at, whether it’s practical knowledge, possibilities, logic or caring.  When they finish speaking, they usually get a better response from others, and more of a sense of accomplishment in their speech.  It’s hard to give that up and switch over into listening.

However, just because Introverts tend to do more listening, they don’t necessarily listen well.  Although they may be silent when someone else is speaking, they may actually have a strong internal dialogue going, and may be listening more to themselves than the speaker.

Let’s face it!  It’s an effort for all of us to be good listeners.  Extraverts have to manage their external voice, and Introverts have to manage their internal voice.

In trying to become a good human being though, nothing makes a bigger difference than developing the ability to listen well.  No matter what else we do for other people, if we listen attentively and sympathetically to what they are saying, and let them know that they have been heard and understood, that will mean the most to them.

Judging Listening Strengths

Friday, November 21st, 2014

I just have to make good listening my goal.

The PEOPLE Process Type Wheel

The PEOPLE Process Type Wheel

When I asked the question, “What are your strengths as a listener?”  No one mentioned anything related to Judging.  It seems that Js don’t get much help from their Judging when it comes to listening, and that Judging tendencies are just something they have to manage.

That made me think about my own Judging function.  Is it really a deficit when it comes to being a good listener?  It’s such an asset in so many other ways.  It helps me keep my life organized and take care of others.  It helps me set goals and work steadily toward them, making it possible to do just about anything I want to do, like go on a trip to Europe with my family, finish writing a book or even learn how to use the espresso machine I got for Christmas.

Wait!  If my J allows me to be good at reaching goals, maybe that’s what can help me be a better listener.  I just have to make good listening my goal.  Or, I can change the goals I used to have into good listening goals.  Instead of the goal to Give my opinion why not have the goal,  See it from their point of view? Instead of the goal to Solve their problem why not have the goal, Let them know you understand their problem?

Js like to make “to-do” lists, so why don’t I make a “to-do” list about listening, of all the techniques that have come up in these issues.  Then, after I’ve followed all the points on the list, I can have the satisfaction of checking off one more conversation where I’ve accomplished my goal of being a good listener.  I can feel proud of one more time where I really opened myself up to another person, and let them know that they are not alone in this life.  Someday I may even meet my ultimate goal, which is to do those things on my list so naturally that I’m not even thinking about them.

So we Js do have a strength when it comes to listening.  If we put  Be a good listener on our “to-do” list, if we make it our goal, well then, we’ll probably pull it off.

Perceiving Listening Strengths

Saturday, November 15th, 2014

I really want to know more about what people have to say.

The PEOPLE Process Type Wheel

The PEOPLE Process Type Wheel

The attitudes we’re looking for in a listener:  open-mindedness, curiosity and tolerance, seem to come easily to many Ps.  You can see it in their faces. They have that – I’m interested look –  in their eyes, and it’s fun to talk to someone who looks like that.

I can think of many times where I’ve watched people just open up to a P, and suddenly start talking happily about their interests.

“I like to listen because I’m collecting data,” says John, ENTP.  “Once, a friend told me a long story, and after he finished I said:  “That’s interesting.”  “He said:  “When most people say that, it’s dismissive, but when you say it, you’re actually finding it interesting.”

“My strength as a listener is that I really want to know more about what people have to say,” says Anna, ISFP.  “I know it’s important to them, but I also like to learn from other people.  When I was young, it was a good way for me to be, because I had to go to parties with a whole bunch of my husband’s business associates, who would all be talking about science.  The easiest way for me to mingle would be to ask questions.  I realized that wow, this is exciting.  I could talk to people that I didn’t know, and there were all these other topics in the world that I didn’t really know about.   Also, when I took the time to listen to other people, I got a lot of information that I could really use in my life.”

Because Ps are so good at data collection, they can gently push the speakers to consider new and sometimes surprising information.

“I can pick out what was not said, what was underrepresented,” says Caroline, INFP.  “That’s not easy to do, because a lot of time in discussions, everyone starts following along with evidence in one direction and they totally miss that there might be an entirely different viewpoint.”

Instead of opinions or advice, which send the message that the listener was really listening to themselves, most Ps tend to naturally respond with questions, which sends the message that they are really listening and trying to understand.  Another way of sending the message that we’re listening is to repeat back what the speaker said, in our own words, to make sure we are interpreting it correctly.  One P even told us that this practice of  active listening, came naturally to him, and was his habit before he had ever heard it described.

“When I first heard about active listening, I thought,  “So that’s what you call it,?” says Jerry, INTP.  “I did that naturally.  People always seem to find it easy to talk to me, because I put what they said into my own words.  For example, my wife works in a very stressful job as a nurse in an infant intensive care unit.  If I ask her how her day was, and she says, It was awful, I don’t just grunt.  I really do try to understand as she describes the problems she had with a parent today.  When she’s finished, I might say, I know it frustrates you when you try to tell a parent that what they want isn’t good for their baby.  It turns out not to be a very long conversation, because when people feel understood, the need to tell their story over and over is not so great.

“I worked as a marriage counselor,  he continues,  and some part of every couple’s problem was the failure to communicate. I taught them to put into their own words what they thought the other was saying.  I told them not to just parrot their words, or you’ll get a response like,  Don’t do that listening stuff on me.  But if it’s in your own words, it sounds natural, and they’ll be able to tell you if you’re right or wrong.”