Following is an excerpt from the newly published book, “Changing Behavior,” by Georgianna Donadio.? It’s really all about applying the Golden Rule and treating others with respect and love.? I recently read this book and recommend it highly!
Chapter Two:? Transforming Relationships with Behavioral Engagement and Pure Presence
A Step by Step Review of Behavioral Engagement Skills:
The role?of? Behavioral Engagement is to provide communication skills that will strengthen and enrich relationships and avoid having your interactions take a detour into conflict and misunderstanding.? Whether you are communicating with your significant other, a co-worker, boss, mother-in-law or friend, the skills of BE can be applied to all relationship communications.
Step One:? Begin by clearing out any stress or distraction we might be experiencing that day and focus on the oportunity of having a communication with another person which will result in a positive outcome for both individuals.? Enter into the communication in a centered, receptive, respectful, mindful, non-judgmental, fully and purely present, and compassionate state; as an equal and having the desire to maintain being this way with the other person throughout the entire communication.
Step Two:? It is important to be physically comfortable and relaxed.? Identify any physical distraction that might cause you to lose your attention, focus or center.? If you fidget, look away, answer your cell phone, this will be distracting to the person you are with and will communicate to them that you are not fully present in the conversation.?
Step Three:? Posture your eye contact with the other person to facilitate pure presence in your communication.? Eye contact is soft and soothing, never aggressive or probing.? The way you look at the other person communicates your inner dialogue.
Step Four:??Check your intention.? Throughout your communication, keeping your intention open, centered, and non-judgmental is an important part of creating the desired state of pure presence with the other person.
Step Five:? If you requested to have this conversation with the other person, you might begin the exchange with respectful inquiry, asking them what his or her feelings are regarding the matter that you wish to clarify.? Your intention and eye contact will signal to them that you are sincerely interested in hearing how they feel and what they have to say.
Step Six:? Be responsive without interjecting.? Do not probe, ask questions or interrupt.
Step Seven:? Respect and welcome the silence between the words.? In this special time of silence, we may catch a glimpse at our subconscious feelings and awareness.?
Step Eight:? Be patient – with yourself and the other person during the Behavioral Engagement process.?
Step Nine:? Your intention will become your agenda, so be honest with yourself about what your motive is for entering into the conversation.
Step Ten:? At some point in the conversation you will verbally respond to the other person and it is important that you use the “I” statements to express your feelings.
Step Eleven:? Allow for discovery.? One of the transformational components of BE is that if you remain true to the model and stay in your pure presence center, you will make discoveries that will shift you emotionally.
Step Twelve:? Keep trying, and do not give up on your skills development.? Once you are exposed to BE and experience the transformational power it has for yourself and your relationships, you will want to perfect it.?
Research and statistics demonstrate that relationships are critical to our health, happiness and longevity.? Published studies note that people who are in significant relationships live longer than people who are not.
Relationships – we want them and need them.? Learning how to have better relationships is as much a part of staying healthy as eating good food, getting enough sleep and exercising regularly.
“Would you rather be loved or be right?”? If we want to be in relationships with others, it is important to understand that after survival, the human priority is to belong; to be loved rather than to be right or be in control.? We want and need nourishing and loving companionship.